The Courage to be Disliked Book Cover
The Courage to be Disliked Non-fiction Diamond Inc. Paperback 272

This book is a dialogue conversation between the Youth and the Philosopher. It tackles the Youth’s insecurities and life problems he faces in his daily life, using psychology and the philosophy of Alfred Adler’s theories to guide the Youth to happiness.

My thoughts on “The Courage to be Disliked”. Is it a Yay or Nay?

Honestly, my thoughts are conflicted with regards to this book. A half part me of me liked the book and the other half part of me disliked it.

I liked that the book is well structured with its points to bring us to the main point of the book, which is guidance to attain happiness.

This book tried to take the stance to ‘simplify’ things for us and give the premise that ‘life is simple’, and we over complicate things by overthinking and dwelling in past events that turn to create anxiety and trauma in our minds.

Some of the advice really inspired a change in me and a change in my perceptions about interpersonal relationships with others, whilst another part of me is left unsure about the simplicity in the book because as I analyzed it, I was left a little confused and I  realize that the one size fits all approach in this book could not possibly solve all our problems which are stated to be ‘interpersonal relationship problems’.

Synopsis

This book is a dialogue conversation between a young man who is the Youth and the Philosopher. It tackles the insecurities and life problems the Youth faces in his life daily, using concepts from the psychology and philosophy of Alfred Adler’s theories to guide him to a path of happiness.

I enjoyed the dialogue and I  journeyed with the Youth, as he was confused, so was I, and even now as I write this article, I am still left with questions lingering in my mind trying to make sense of that dialogue. 

The book is advice to the Youth from the Philosopher to follow these steps below to attain happiness.

The book’s advice is:

1.Accept oneself and be content with what you can do and cannot do in your life.

2.Freedom is freeing oneself from other people’s “tasks” and understanding better what you can and cannot control, e.g. you cannot control other’s people’s thoughts or perceptions about you no matter what you do.

3.Do not do things to please others at your own expense.

4.Avoid doing anything for recognition from others and do things because you want to and can do it as part of your task/ choice.

5.Make a contribution and add value to other people’s lives. This is what gives us meaning in life and a sense of belonging.

6.Trust people like they are your comrades instead of enemies.

7.Live in the present/ now and appreciate present achievements and goals—the future is unknown, therefore we should not calculate success on future ‘goals’.

8.Live your life at your own pace and do not compete with the next person because: “on the same level playing field, there are people who are moving forward, and there are people who are moving forward behind them” (p 70: 2019)

9.And the past does not determine the future since it has passed, therefore, it should not be the cause of our present mental health issues problems.

10.People change when you change and adjust to who you become, according to the authors:

Adlerian psychology is a psychology for changing oneself, not a psychology for changing others. Instead of waiting for others to change or waiting for the situation to change, you take the first step forward yourself (p 95: 2019)

11.Parenting:

Some part of the book delves a little into parenting as well and offers advice to raising children. I liked this quote: “Children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges” (p 136: 2019). Children need special attention and care, I agree, however, a mixture of caring for them as fully developed adults also does good to inspire independence and better development. 

12.COURAGE is the answer to it all. We need the courage to change our lives, we need the courage to witness the freedom and become happy in our lives. We need the courage to accept freedom and be disliked by others for us to be happy.

The dislikes

As you can see from the above, the book has interesting concepts and advice, however, as you read it, it ends up confusing somewhere when you think about the points made.

After reading it, I was left feeling like that’s it? In the end.

What I disliked about this book is the over-simplicity stance it took, some concepts I feel like they do not apply to some situations.

As I analyzed the book, I was left so confused with the relationship between the concepts in the book.

‘Aetiology’ and ‘Teleology’.

In the book, we are presented with new concepts of “aetiology (the study of causation)” and “teleology (the study of a given phenomenon, rather than its cause)”.

The authors state that we create our problems, it is said in the book that all the problems we have such as anxiety and trauma, it is because we have created them by lingering in past failures or past unpleasant events, hence in the future or present, we have anxiety and trauma illnesses.

Though I do agree with this point that we would be happier focusing on present moments of our lives and celebrating that, I was left confused and I question myself that:

What does then this mean about the future? 🤔since the authors state that it does not exist. Do we just brush off future plans and concerns to create a better future? 

In this article here I wrote that life is as long as you live, so yes, plan for the future, be concerned about it and when you do not make it to the main goal, that’s still okay, just never forget to celebrate present wins and achievements to getting closer to your goal as the authors state.

And what about issues of inequality and hierarchy in life, segregation etc?

Though this topic is discussed between the Youth and the Philosopher, I feel it was not discussed enough.

If we ignore ‘aetiology’ (the causation) of things, patterns, and explanations of things, then how do we learn? because we learn from the past and causation of things, we either learn a life lesson to take precaution or learn about life, in general, to improve for the future.

This theory of ‘individualism has left me puzzled, you can tell by now things are not adding up in my head,  As a matter of fact, I am even confused with my writing here.

“Trauma does not exist”

Yes, I do agree that dwelling on past events at most times, it causes anxiety and trauma in our minds when we think about how we were not cared for or badly treated as children, this is something that could inspire someone to have trust issues over others.

And an incident of being hijacked and simultaneously losing a loved one with you could leave one traumatized and have anxiety about leaving the house perhaps and living life as normal.

But do we just simply brush these off and tell our brains: no brain, you are lying to me, this does not exist, or simply leave it in the past because it has happened and you cannot change it?

Just have the courage to move on?

 Just have the courage to trust others, and perceive them as comrades even without knowing them well?

Is this coping mechanism really enough to alleviate trauma and anxiety? 

And what about social injustices, segregation, inequality etc. Do we all just mind our business and everyone moves on just like that and each one of us fights their own battles alone? or is this advice to have fewer expectations from others, then we would be happier?

How does courage apply? only to oneself interpersonal relationships? 

Hmm I am contradicting myself, at the beginning of this article I said ‘be content with oneself capabilities and abilities’ 🤔

Anyway…

I personally believe sometimes the past holds value and it exists for a reason since that is how we are designed as humans; to remember.

I mean without the past, we would live without knowing present progress and each day would be a unique day of adventure, which is what the book tries advocating by advising we live in the present; we live in moments.

If there is one book that is similar to this one with the exact same ideas, it is Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. I found it an incredible read, simple and less confusing.

If you would like a book review of it, check it out here.

Concluding words…

I recommend this book for you:

  1. If you are ready to be confused in this ‘simplicity theory’ on understanding life.
  2. If you are eager to discover different perceptions and coping mechanisms with regards to interpersonal relationships a.k.a. peopling.
  3. If you are ready to challenge yourself, your believes and perceptions about your life.

I was left confused after reading this book with the concepts and so I will try it again some other time, nonetheless, I consider it a good book for the above reasons.

Thank you for reading. 🤗

**Have you read the book or not? Share your thoughts in the comment section

⬇Click on social media buttons below to share the article with friends.⤵

53 Comments

  • Posted November 22, 2020
    by Mona

    Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.

    Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! However,
    how could we communicate?

    • Posted November 24, 2020
      by Munene Mashaba

      Well, for me it is all about being thoughtful towards the next person and trying to understand the meaning of what they are saying from their point of view. That would make communication better, you would know how to respond to whatever situation properly.

  • Posted December 3, 2020
    by Sanford

    I read this piece of writing fully on the topic of the difference of
    most up-to-date and preceding technologies, it’s remarkable article.

  • Posted December 6, 2020
    by Michele

    Remarkable! Its actually remarkable piece of writing, I have got much
    clear idea about from this paragraph.

  • Posted December 8, 2020
    by Linwood

    Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the easiest thing
    to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider worries that they just do not know about.
    You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect
    , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more.
    Thanks

  • Posted December 8, 2020
    by Katrin

    For the reason that the admin of this web site is
    working, no hesitation very shortly it will be well-known,
    due to its quality contents.

  • Posted December 10, 2020
    by Quinn

    I simply couldn’t leave your site prior to suggesting that I
    extremely enjoyed the standard information an individual provide to
    your visitors? Is gonna be again continuously in order to inspect new posts

  • Posted December 10, 2020
    by Kristeen

    Pretty! This was an incredibly wonderful post. Thanks
    for supplying these details.

  • Posted December 11, 2020
    by Rickey

    Hi to every , since I am truly keen of reading this weblog’s post to be updated daily.
    It carries nice material.

  • Posted December 16, 2020
    by Sharon

    Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog
    loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end
    or if it’s the blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    • Posted December 21, 2020
      by Munene Mashaba

      hmm, sorry for that Sharon, I will have a look at it. Thank you for sharing this issue.

  • Posted December 18, 2020
    by Dominga

    It’s actually very complex in this busy life to listen news on Television, therefore I only use the web for that purpose,
    and obtain the most recent news.

  • Posted December 18, 2020
    by Rocky

    Really no matter if someone doesn’t understand afterward its up to other people that they will
    assist, so here it takes place.

  • Posted December 19, 2020
    by Reina

    No matter if some one searches for his required thing, so he/she needs to be available that in detail, therefore that
    thing is maintained over here.

  • Posted December 19, 2020
    by Eugene

    For hottest news you have to pay a quick visit
    world wide web and on web I found this web page as a most
    excellent website for hottest updates.

  • Posted December 20, 2020
    by Sadie

    I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog
    that’s both educative and amusing, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head.

    The issue is something not enough folks are speaking intelligently about.
    I’m very happy that I came across this during my hunt for something relating to this.

  • Posted December 21, 2020
    by Karissa

    Have you ever considered about adding a little bit more than just your articles?
    I mean, what you say is important and everything.
    But think of if you added some great graphics or video clips to give your
    posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and clips,
    this blog could undeniably be one of the best in its field.
    Awesome blog!

    • Posted December 30, 2020
      by Munene Mashaba

      Thank you for the suggestion Karissa, I definitely want to try that now.

  • Posted December 22, 2020
    by Latrice

    Hey there! This post could not be written any better!
    Reading through this post reminds me of my
    previous room mate! He always kept talking about this.
    I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read.
    Thanks for sharing!

  • Posted December 23, 2020
    by Felipa

    I am curious to find out what blog system you are working with?

    I’m experiencing some minor security problems with my latest blog and I would like to find something more safe.
    Do you have any recommendations?

  • Posted December 24, 2020
    by Kellee

    It’s remarkable to visit this web site and reading the views of
    all mates about this article, while I am also keen of getting knowledge.

  • Posted December 25, 2020
    by Leopoldo

    Hi, i think that i saw you visited my website so i came to “return the favor”.I am trying to find things
    to enhance my site!I suppose its ok to use some of your
    ideas!!

    • Posted December 30, 2020
      by Munene Mashaba

      Yes, inspiration comes from others as well, thank you for the visit.

    • Posted December 30, 2020
      by Munene Mashaba

      Yes, sometimes we need inspiration from others, thanks for the visit Leopoldo.

  • Posted December 26, 2020
    by Bradly

    Appreciation to my father who informed me about this website, this website is truly remarkable.

  • Posted December 29, 2020
    by Pearl

    Asking questions are in fact nice thing if you are not
    understanding something totally, except this piece of writing provides good understanding even.

  • Posted December 29, 2020
    by Deidre

    I read this paragraph completely on the topic of the comparison of hottest
    and earlier technologies, it’s remarkable article.

  • Posted December 31, 2020
    by Wyatt

    What’s up Dear, are you actually visiting this web site
    on a regular basis, if so after that you will absolutely take fastidious knowledge.

  • Posted January 1, 2021
    by Kristeen

    Definitely consider that that you said. Your favourite
    reason seemed to be on the internet the easiest thing to remember of.
    I say to you, I certainly get irked at the same time as other people think about concerns that they plainly don’t realize about.
    You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and outlined out the whole thing with no need side-effects , other people can take a signal.

    Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  • Posted January 2, 2021
    by Natisha

    Hello There. I found your weblog the usage of msn. This is an extremely well written article.
    I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to read extra of your
    helpful info. Thank you for the post. I will certainly return.

  • Posted January 5, 2021
    by Shella

    It’s enormous that you are getting ideas from this paragraph as well as from our argument made at this time.

  • Posted January 6, 2021
    by Erlinda

    Hey there I am so excited I found your webpage, I really found
    you by mistake, while I was researching on Yahoo for something
    else, Regardless I am here now and would just like to say kudos for a tremendous post and a
    all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it all at the minute but I have saved it and also included your RSS feeds,
    so when I have time I will be back to read a
    great deal more, Please do keep up the great work.

  • Posted January 7, 2021
    by Chau

    This is really interesting, You’re an overly professional blogger.
    I’ve joined your feed and look ahead to in the hunt for more of your wonderful post.
    Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks

  • Posted January 9, 2021
    by Athena

    Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely believe this website
    needs far more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the information!

  • Posted January 9, 2021
    by Latanya

    It is perfect time to make a few plans for the long run and it’s time
    to be happy. I have learn this submit and if I could I
    want to suggest you few fascinating issues or suggestions.

    Maybe you could write subsequent articles relating to this article.
    I desire to read even more things about it!

    • Posted January 12, 2021
      by Munene Mashaba

      I will sometime next when I start reading more books and share my thoughts and experiences. Yes, please do share suggestions, I would love to see them.

  • Posted January 9, 2021
    by Diego

    Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a
    lot of spam remarks? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any help is very much appreciated.

  • Posted January 12, 2021
    by Arlene

    Your method of describing all in this post is genuinely fastidious, every one can without difficulty know it, Thanks a
    lot.

  • Posted February 13, 2021
    by Claudette

    This site was… how do you say it? Relevant!!
    Finally I’ve found something which helped me.
    Kudos!

  • Posted February 17, 2021
    by Alexandra

    Greetings from Idaho! I’m bored at work so I
    decided to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break.

    I enjoy the knowledge you present here and can’t wait to take a look
    when I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my phone ..
    I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, good
    site!

  • Posted February 18, 2021
    by Francesca

    What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness of
    valuable knowledge about unpredicted emotions.

  • Posted February 20, 2021
    by Emely

    Since the admin of this website is working, no uncertainty very shortly
    it will be famous, due to its quality contents.

  • Posted February 21, 2021
    by Linette

    I do consider all of the concepts you’ve presented for
    your post. They are really convincing and will definitely
    work. Still, the posts are too quick for novices. Could you please extend them a bit from next time?
    Thank you for the post.

Leave a comment