How to be classy: 10 tips and advice from classy female authors.
Growing up as a woman is weird right?
As your body changes, I know most of us wish we got manuals on how to deal with the changes, how to embrace all this femininity and enjoy it to its fullest and share it with the world.
Being a woman is great, there are some distinct qualities in us women that are just distinct and irresistible about us that make us women, but to be a great woman, some guidance from other women does help plant a better seed in our minds.
And you know what is even greater?
A classy woman, a classy woman is a woman that is self-aware, constantly dedicates time to understanding herself better and working on scalping each day a better version of herself that she wasn’t yesterday, and that is the reason we adore classy ladies and cannot stop staring in the streets when they walk-by or admiring them on social platforms.
Now, without further ado, let’s get right into it…
In this article, I will share with you some snippets/ advice from Shanel Cooper Sykes’ book “Woman Habits” and Kefilwe Mabote’s book “Kefilwe Mabote Influencer De Luxe”.
Shanel is a woman coach, she trains and advises women on how to be classy women and embrace their femininity with grace.
Kefilwe Mabote is South Africa’s biggest fashion and lifestyle influencer.
She is also a stylist and has made a mark and a name for herself through Instagram, using the platform as a side income platform and sales funnel process for her brand and business.
Shanel Cooper Sykes’ advice from: “Woman Habits”
Synopsis of the book
This book is the full guide to being the best version of a woman you can be, it delves into all must knows for women and I find it most beneficial for young girls because it is like the manual to properly embracing our feminine side in order to enjoy being in our bodies as women.
To be honest, I did not even know until I was 22 how to wash the cookie, until I read this book and I realized that I have been doing the wrong things all along.
This book is a guide to taking care of yourself as a woman spiritually, emotionally, physically and it has some little relationships advice as well.
So, tip no …
1. Work hard on gaining good habits
I mean after all…what is a woman without some great habits? Habits are who we are and the success we become, so if we do not constantly work on gaining some good habits, we will constantly be stuck in a loop of bad predicaments and not seeing a change.
Let’s take now, for example, you are a size bigger than you were last year, and you know you have been eating all the sugar your hands could get on, carbs, and sleeping more than 8 hours a day; do you see that you have become your habits? And if you could work on changing your habits, your life could take a different turn too…
2. Talks less, listens more.
And thus, the first point bringing me to the second one, Shanel emphasizes the need to change as well as how we interact with others and the things we communicate.
She touches on the law of attraction and contextualizes it to say that as women, we often adopt the tendency to frivolously complain, nag, and argue with others for no valid reasons, and thus when we do this, our subconscious mind feeds into it and deems that as our reality, eventually, as you constantly talk negative and always find oneself absorbed in negative energy, that blocks your mind from seeing positive things around you and better opportunities.
In order to understand better how the subconscious mind and conscious mind are related and work to shape our lives, I highly recommend reading: “The Road Less Travelled” by M.Scott Peck.
This book is one of my all-time favorite books on understanding better how our minds work, what love is, what disciple is, and how to use all these tools and others mentioned in the book to love others, parenting and gaining or helping the next person gain spiritual growth and great mental health.
A classy lady is a lady that has unlocked her intuition, but you cannot unlock intuition unless you take some time to ‘shut up’, observe and listen to your high consciousness and God to get the answers you seek. Often than not, you will not get answers from other people because you are the only one that can understand you better, others can only try to help.
And you will most definitely fix your life by nagging and complaining because that is a habit often than not as well pushes others away and cause destructions in relationships.
I am now giving you a challenge.
If you are guilty of any of these things or you feel as though you are lost, and nothing else excites you anymore. Take some time off for yourself, return ‘home’ as poets state, and have a conversation with oneself. Meditate, I know meditation is hard and some might not even know how to meditate… but try this:
Sit inside a quiet room alone, sit upright, core engaged, and the back straight, close your eyes, breathe in and out, being aware of your breath and energy flow. No matter how hard you may try to concentrate on the breath, thoughts will come, and do not shy away from them.
Just take it all in and be aware, those are the things that are bothering you and you need to address them and how you will solve them or think as well the next step to take from here, after the meditation; if you feel like praying, pray and ask God for strength, guidance, and courage to do what you have to do, this is usually my routine as well.
Do the same as above, but try hard to avoid thoughts and concentrate on the breath only and its flow.
This type of mediation is to clear your mind and refresh it, to calm you down so you can think rationally and help control your emotions.
It is great to practice daily to help with emotion regulation, calming down nerves, and anger problems.
For more about other books to help you start finding yourself and your purpose, check out this article here that I wrote about books I have read to also help me find myself.
3. commits to yourself
Shanel in her book states the difference between a promise and committing. Committing means: “do-ing what you said you were going to do, long after the feeling you had when you made that commit-ment has passed” (p 32: 2012).
Committing to oneself means setting goals, work to reach them, and complete the tasks that you have set for yourself, rather than just setting goals and leaving them half done to jump to the next.
In this book, obviously, the author delves deeper into the subject in different chapters as well to illustrate what is committing to yourself and the importance of committing to yourself.
Just like making vows when you are about to marry someone, make vows for yourself, and tell thyself how you will complete what you wish to accomplish and will never cheat on that.
This means also planning better, having a schedule, or a guide of some sort, and time set for your life and daily activities. That is what a classy lady does.
4. Becomes the change you want to see
I recently wrote a book review on the book: The courage to be disliked and something that I liked and grasped here is the understanding that people change when you change, therefore instead of trying to convince people to change, you do it first and others will have no choice but to adapt to the change as well.
If you want to see a change, you take the first steps and initiate change first, whether others respond or not, you can always have solace that I did it first though and I did my part of the work to bring a change.
5. “Check yo’ self”
It might sound weird or too much and you think to yourself: arg gosh! man these women are being too much now, but a secret that all classy ladies if they were to be put in one room, they would admit to is this one:
They check themselves constantly in the mirror to manage flaws, and they also check themselves constantly spiritually to manage energy.
So then, Shanel suggests that to be able to give yourself time to ‘check yo’ self’, set alarms on your phone to dedicate time a few times a day to check yourself, literally in the bathroom or mirror until it becomes a habit.
Those ladies that we admire, that are always looking posh every minute of the day, they don’t do it with magic, it’s a commitment to do so in order to achieve that goal.
So, the classy woman checks herself now and then to be aware of flaws to fix throughout the day to appear flawless.
This is a point even Kefilwe Mabote touches on in her book and she tells us her audience that is how influencers are successful, it is because of their ability to work around flaws to appear flawless.
6. Fix your posture
Fixing posture is like an exercise, you practice it, and then eventually it becomes natural to you.
If you do not like the words “exercise”, I am sorry, but the truth is that nothing worth attaining in life is easy, and you have probably heard of this, I am just reinforcing it in you.
Remember that by avoiding the pain to do something, you are avoiding growth; being the outcomes or results of the hard work you would have to put in to achieve a goal.
To fix your posture is a simple, yet again a straining task at the beginning and it only includes you tucking your tummy in to broaden and elongate your shoulders when you are sitting or standing.
Try it now and see what happens, you will thank me later and your back too will thank you because it is said that your core is supposed to be the support for your back (the spinal cord), hence planks are a vital excise routine which you should do with your tummy tucked in to not hurt your back, but rather support it and keep it healthy.
A classy lady is a confident lady that shows her confidence through her walk as well and how she sits.
Note: this book has some adult content and thus I think it should have some PG-rated instructions there, I think.
Follow or check out Shanel on her Instagram account here:
Kefilwe Mabote’s advice from her book: “Kefilwe Mabote Influencer De Luxe”
Synopsis of the book.
This book is a biography and business advice and tips in the field of influencer marketing from South Africa’s biggest lifestyle influencer Kefilwe Mabote.
She shares her humble beginnings from growing up in a township (in Soweto) to pursuing what she loves and her dream, that being fashion and social media.
7. Always make an effort to look stunning when you step outside for the public and be aware of your style.
Let’s be honest, looks do matter most of the time, and they make an impression about us.
They say ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’, meaning that you should not judge a person unless you know them better, which is true and I 100% agree with that, but those are the nitty grittys for another article, for now, let us focus on the impact of first impressions and non-verbal communication through how you represent yourself by clothing.
As a person that has invested some time into studying Robert Greene’s (author of the 48 laws of power and the laws of human nature) theories, I have stumbled upon the discovery of non-verbal communication.
This form of language speaks volumes even more than spoken language and how you dress is a form of non-verbal language.
How we dress is a representation of who we are and impacts our lives vastly whether we are aware of it or not; how you walk and talk, speaks a lot about a women, this Shanel also states in her book: “Woman Habits”.
I remember a time when I was a typically struggling student looking for a job. This other day, my friend and I went to Sandton mall going store to store looking for a job, we went to boutiques and ordinary clothing stores.
Then, when we got to the store Forever new, which is not entirely a boutique, but it sells pretty much expensive clothes and the ladies that work there look bomb-ass- fine.
We got inside and talked to the ladies that work there inside the store, and they told us straight up that we wouldn’t not get jobs there or boutiques looking the way we looked, dressed in simple jeans, t-shirt, and no make-up on.
To get a job at a boutique is like getting a job as a flight attendant, employers first scan you with their eyes to see how you represent yourself first non-verbally and judge you.
I am not saying always dress in uncomfortable clothes and do make-up if you are not comfortable in it, I personally do not like make-up because I naturally have great skin, but how I read Kefilwe’s book and my interpretation of those women’s words is that even though you may not be dressing in expensive clothes, make an effort to spice your clothes, be neat, look fresh and well put together, not like a hot mess or you were dragged outside the house.
Sometimes even people that dress in expensive clothing are guilty of looking like a hot mess, so it is a matter of effort, and understanding better your body type and style in order to look well put together.
People that dress and look good in clothing for their body types are admirable, and when you see them, you swear you are seeing a Goddess of some sort right?
Myself, I am guilty of often looking like I was dragged by wolves outside the house even though I wasn’t and my brother hates me for it.
I would go to the mall dressed in a weird, free Klipdrift t-shirt which my cousin got from doing alcohol promotions and wear it with leggings and flips-flops and my hair looking like a …well I don’t know what, but the worst you can think of, that is how I looked, so how? Honestly, was I expecting to get a job at a boutique looking like that?
Sure, I pride myself on my communication skills, I was an active child at school, I participated in debates and school leadership programs like being a school representative council (SRC), thus I got some talking skills and I could have said to myself ‘but I am good with communication, I would just need a chance to prove to my potential employers that I am the right fit for the job.
Or I could just make an overall effort to show that I am capable and ready in anyway and make it easy for my potential employers to make a decision, to see that I am well prepared for this job by always staying ready to attract it with non verbal communication of my dressing.
I am a simple girl and I like comfortable clothes and I honestly find not much wrong with that really, It’s my style and I love my style, however, I do think I could do better even with my simple style and that is what Kefilwe’s point is as well.
As women, we need to commit into understanding our body types better and how to dress for them and match clothes with our skin tone, vibe and occasion.
Kefilwe in her book does mention different body types but she does not say how to identify your unique body type or how to dress for it, but I think a good start to help yourself would be Pinterest.
Pinterest by the way is great visual search engine with super awesome articles, when you click on the images they redirect you to a blog site with more information. So, if you would like to know your body type and which of outfits would look better for your body type.
Go to Pinterest and search around to find some ideas.
Remember how you look also attracts a certain caliber of people in your life because birds of the same feather flock together.
8. Girl! Get the bag 💸; pursue that dream
Gone are the times when women were expected to be house wives and their responsibilities were only to cook, clean and look after the family only, now more than ever, most of us women are in pursuit to pursue our goals and dreams and make money for ourselves, rely on ourselves and gain financial freedom for ourselves.
And to do that we need to start somewhere, be inspired and creative to get somewhere with our goals.
Kefilwe in her book: “Kefilwe Mabote Influencer De Luxe” tells her humble beginnings in becoming an influencer and the stages she went through to get where she is now.
What I learned in this book is that picking up the courage to go after your dreams is not something that happens over night, but a working progress, but really, if you have planned all the way and are committed into your goals, eventually courage grows to make that a reality.
This book is a call to all of us to search for motivation to do something and to be extraordinary awesome at it (what you choose to use as motivation is all up to you).
Growing up, my mother always told me about this weird theory that when we are born we are born with our fists clenched and that means that we are holding our gifts inside our hands to make a change and difference in the world, so that means we are all destined for something, we just have to find out what it is through our journeys of living on this earth.
Kefilwe’s narrative in the book is that work hard for what you want and go for it, she says that she has always loved the lavish lifestyle and living in luxury and thus, she went out there and got it for herself; now, it seems like she isn’t even following luxury anymore, rather it follows her.
9. Be innovative (move with the times)
In the process of making you sure you can always sustain oneself and keep a cash flow for thyself, it is vital to always be aware of changes and move with the times and be able to seize opportunities of present opportunities.
Whether you work in corporate or for yourself, being innovative is vital for career growth and success.
Kefilwe as one of South Africa’s biggest Influencers, she states in her book that being an influencer, for her, it came about as an opportunity to leverage the power of the internet, particularly Instagram to help drive sales to her business and help her make an extra income promoting other brands and businesses.
And she did this at a time when it was still unfamiliar and most businesses were skeptical using the platform as a sales funnel to drive sales into their businesses and she saw an opportunity to seize to make an extra income for herself.
And now she is driving awareness into this new field of Influencer marketing through her book to bring awareness of the pro and cons and how, nor this form of marketing can be used by businesses and individuals for better engagement with audience and improve businesses.
The point is, always be on your toes, making sure you’re aware of changes and new things happening around you or the world in general and think of adding value to an already existing method or thing, being innovative is adding value, filling the gaps and finding a way to do things better and make a difference.
10. Reinvent yourself
A classy woman constantly strives for improvement to become better than she was yesterday, a classy woman is never comfortable stagnant in one place, therefore we should always acquire new skills and knowledge to advance ourselves.
This Shanel also mentions; reading is one of the most beneficial ways to explore knowledge about the world, different cultures, and beliefs. It can help you discover yourself, challenge your perceptions about life, and help manifest growth in you.
It can also help improve a skill or ignite a passion for something in your life. Who knows what reading can do for you? Many opportunities and endless possibilities
But even though you may not like reading books, thanks to technological advances, now we have other many other platforms for acquiring quality knowledge and the platforms are free, just as long as you have data or WIFI.
One of my favourite platforms is YouTube, this platform has gurus and many knowledgeable people on different fields and industries that you can follow and learn from.
When I started blogging, I did not know what I was doing or even that I could monetize this platform until I dedicated my time to tell myself, I will self-teach myself digital marketing and gain skills on the usage of social media since this is something that I have no knowledge on.
I not a successful blogger yet, but as we are concluding this year, I am proud of my little accomplishment; to have gathered all the expertise that I have now and I am ready for the new year to implement all this great knowledge and set new goals and learn something new the next year.
Follow or check out Kefilwe Mabote on her Instagram account here:
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